Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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