if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
