Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
