If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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