Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My cat gives me a boner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
