wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
