Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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