did you get engaged???
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
