Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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