Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
