Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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