i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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