it wasn't lemon gatorade
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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