Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
