I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just threw up on my dentist
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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