he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
