The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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