Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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