so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
