you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
