He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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