You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
