In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
