Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
