Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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