My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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