is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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