OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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