Where did you get a picture of my penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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