Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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