finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
