In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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