Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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