She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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