dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
