My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
