hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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