It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize