dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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