she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
