And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
