if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
