who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
