I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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