still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
