Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
