Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
