She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
