Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
