We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
