I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
