She's JV to your varsity
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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