I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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