Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
