I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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