i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
