Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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