HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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