hotel room ftw
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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