Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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