this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we're making bets on your personal life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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