It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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