just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
