the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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