You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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