just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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