Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
