508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
