Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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