you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
