You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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