She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
